I HATE COLDPLAY

By Dave Schofield

I want music to grab me by the balls.

I want music to remind me just how precarious, and how precious, life can be.

When a song is doing its job, it takes me to another place, and though I may not remember all the words, and the melody remains a mystery to me, I will always remember how it made me feel.

Coldplay don’t do any of these things for me. ‘Clocks’ is okay, but everything else sounds like a reject from the preliminary round of Eurovision.

Despite that, I do have a sneaky admiration for Coldplay’s fans. No matter what shit Chris Martin & Co serve up, they keep downloading the albums, keep buying tickets and keep buying the Tour-T’s.

With so many other acts available, what is it that keeps on pulling them back?

A lack of imagination? Possibly.

A show of loyalty? Certainly.

An act of defiance? I can see that.

Maybe. Just maybe, they belong together. It’s just that simple. They are a family.

Bit like us really; only there are a few (million) more of them.

Like County, they have numerous websites, messageboards and blogs where fans can get together. But unlike County, the total number of fanclubs is one.

Only One Fanclub?

With millions of fans, surely there is room for more than one fanclub.

Are they really that easy to please? The torrent of turgid soft rock ballads suggests they may be, but come on, millions of people have millions of differing opinions, one fan’s group, one voice?

It turns out, Coldplay fans are nothing like County fans. They are listened to. They are valued. They are consulted about venues, dates and prices. They are - Happy.

But then they make it easier for Coldpay’s management. They only have to deal with one voice. And when they speak, the management know that to ignore them would signal the end.

How fucking weird must all that feel?

I can’t even begin to describe how unhappy I am with Stockport County Football Club right now.

I believe Spencer Fearn’s poor decision making and, as witnessed by the atrocious wang-dangling libel threats, his thinness of skin, Ryan McKnight’s utter delusion and Lord Snape’s staggeringly ranty accusations of imaginary death-threats, all add up to the worst ever performance by a County Management team. Given the competition, that is some accolade.

Of late, the only thing worth celebrating at County, has been the performance of the fans.

We have turned up. We have put our money where our mouths are, no strings attached.

But...

I am incredibly frustrated and unhappy with our fanbase too.

We haven’t helped. We are, in part, responsible for the state we are in.

We have squabbled, argued, pointed fingers, shunned responsibility, and become a fractured, disorganised rabble.

Surely, if there was ever to be a time in the history of OUR Club, where our opinions and feelings could be aligned, it is now?

We have failed to get together, in unison, with just one voice; offering collective support and making collective demands. Utterly failed. And we have failed to do this NOW!

Every supporters group, that remains intact, divides, weakens and harms OUR Club.

That means; every person who clings to their own corner of Countydom, divides, weakens and harms OUR Club.

If you are one of those people, YOU are dividing, weakening and harming OUR Club.

So stop what you are doing. End it. Now.

Then come together (or walk away), with the others, and form a single entity. Not an umbrella under which you can all hide. Just one fanclub.

And do it now, before you cause any more harm.

I love Stockport County. And I know you do too.

Nobody said it was easy.

It’s such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy,

No-one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I hate Coldplay. The clever bastards.