NORTHERN SOUL

By Jamie Summers

Right then. The Conference North.

Few of us ever imagined that Stockport County AFC would ever be plying their trade in the sixth tier of English Football. Even after it became official, we grasped onto the thinnest of straws that crisis club Aldershot Town would be expelled from the Conference. 

 Our friends (*chuckles to self hysterically*) at the Football Conference would invite us back to the playground of national-level competition and all would be good.

But that turned out to be a fruitless pipedream, and in the Sixth Tier we are. Two years ago, when we were unceremoniously dumped out of the Football League, a lot of County fans thought we were entering the unknown. 

But in reality, what with so many ex-League clubs trapped in its grasp, the Conference turned out to be just a very slightly scaled-down (and in many cases better) version of League Two. Now though, the Conference North really is the unknown.

So what’s in store for us? What can we expect and, most importantly, what are the chances of an immediate return to the Conference? Here’s a few facts and figures for the anoraks amongst us…

Well first of all, it isn’t the ‘Blue Square Bet’ North any more, just as the Conference is no longer the ‘Blue Square Bet Premier’. 

Having had enough of attempting to polish turds, Blue Square Bet’s sponsorship of the Conference expired at the end of last season, and the bods at the Football Conference are yet to attract a new sponsor. 

So for now, it’s just the plain old ‘Conference National’ and ‘Conference North’ once again. At least it isn’t as bad as it used to be. The league was sponsored by Nationwide Building Society before Blue Square came along; ‘Nationwide Conference North’. Ironic, eh?

Anyway, enough about sponsorship; the name ‘Conference North’ can be deceiving. The idea behind the regionalisation is to trim travel costs, and accommodate for part-time players that have jobs – especially important in mid-week games. There are also only 22 teams at this level, rather than the customary 24.

However, because teams join the Conference North/South from the Conference, it doesn’t always go to plan. What happens if three Northern teams and one Southern team are relegated in one particular season, or vice versa? 

That’s exactly what happened last season, with Barrow, County and Telford all dropping.

To position teams into the correct league, the country is split into ‘Northern’ and ‘Southern’ counties, with ‘Border Counties’ separating the two. 

This means that for clubs in this band of counties - including Warwickshire, Oxfordshire, Northamptonshire and Gloucestershire - it’s pot luck which division they end up in.

The result is that clubs like Solihull Moors and Worcester City join us in the Conference North.

Where possible, the Conference tries to shift teams around to make it as balanced as possible; Bishop’s Stortford, in Hertfordshire, were transferred to the South last month to accommodate Telford United in the North. 

That’s bad news for us, that is. The Bucks have spent big over the summer and are joint favourites with County for the title.

However, the fixture list is still distinctly topsy-turvy. As well as trips to Altrincham, Stalybridge (There’s nothing ‘Vegas’ about it) and Colwyn Bay, we also face ‘local’ trips to Brackley (Northamptonshire), Histon (Cambridgeshire) and Oxford City. 

‘Local’ indeed. 

Apart from County, there are six other clubs – Barrow, Boston United, Bradford Park Avenue, Gainsborough Trinity, Stalybridge Celtic and Workington – that have experience of life in the Football League. Yet we’ve never played a single competitive fixture against 14 of our 21 opponents next season.

Here’s another thing. Edgeley Park will be the largest venue in the Conference North by a considerable margin, and that’s not necessarily a good thing. 

There’s a danger that it could be even more… well, dead, than we’ve become accustomed to. The average stadium capacity at this level is 4,661 – that’s 6,180 less than Edgeley Park’s total capacity of 10,841.

We’ll also have to return to the place of our most recent and humiliating relegation – Kidderminster Harriers’ Aggborough – to face Worcester City, whilst Gloucester City play their home games at Cheltenham Town’s Whaddon Road.

What’s more interesting is what the attendances will be like now. 

In the Conference, they weren’t too bad in the end were they? County, Luton, Wrexham, Grimsby, Mansfield, Lincoln etc. all managed averages which wouldn’t be out of place in the Football League.

That all changes next season though – the average attendance was just 934 in 2012/13, and 7 clubs failed to attract a single gate over 1,000. That’s not to say that these clubs don’t have good support – but don’t expect many sell-out crowds.

On the plus-side, of the 21 away venues, all 21 have at least some terracing; only Edgeley Park is an all-seater stadium in the Conference North. That at least counts for something – there’s an opportunity for some cracking away days. Harrogate away, anyone?

So then, it’s clearly going to be a bit of a culture shock, this Conference North lark. 

But what’s really interesting is looking at what it takes to compete down here. I tried to work out the average amount of points needed to; A) stay up, B) get into the playoffs and C) win the league title.

The conclusion that I came to is that it’s erratic as anything. Based upon the last seven seasons, going back to 2006/07, an average of 37 points is needed to avoid the drop. It takes approximately 69 points to sneak into the last playoff spot, and roughly 83 points to be crowned champions.

But it’s not quite that straightforward. 

There’s almost always a runaway leader come the end of the season. Chester FC quite frankly pissed on this division last season, breaking the records for most wins, fewest defeats, most goals scored, best goal difference, highest points total and longest undefeated streak on their way to the title.

With that in mind, although it takes an average of 83 points to win the league, the average points the champions have actually achieved since 2006/07 is 91 – and that’s with only 42 games. In a nutshell, we’ve got to win 30 games to be top of the tree in April 2014. 

Errrr…

It’s also a complete lottery when it comes to the bottom of the league. Talk about moving the goalposts! (pun very much intended). There have been points-deductions in all of the last four campaigns. 

Only two clubs were relegated in 2011-12, despite there usually being three places in the drop zone. In 2007-08, as well as bottom-placed Leigh Genesis, Boston United and Nuneaton Borough were also demoted. Boston finished 10^th with 59 points and Nuneaton were 7^th with 71. That’s got to be some kind of record?

A similar pattern emerged 5 years ago in 2008-09, as King’s Lynn were demoted after finishing 17^th with 48 points. The strangest campaign, however, took place in 2009-10. Whilst we were being dumped out of League One, only 21 clubs took part in the Conference North and only a single team were relegated. That team was Andy Preece’s Northwich Victoria, who finished 12^th with 48 points.

Another snippet about next season is that the playoff final isn’t played at a neutral venue. It’s actually hosted at the home ground of the finalist which finished highest in the league. 

Theoretically, that means there could be a dead snazzy playoff final at Edgeley Park between Stockport County and North Ferriby United. Or summat.

Cup competition also gets harder. We enter the FA Cup in the second qualifying round, meaning that we’d have to get through three matches just to set up a glamour tie against a League Two club.

Oh, and we have to qualify for the FA Trophy too.

In case you didn’t see that right, oh, and we have to qualify for the FA Trophy too. 

Pfft.

Taking the flippancy out of it, we’re in for a really tough time in the Conference North. 

We’re here because we deserve to be, by not being good enough on the pitch, and every team we come up against commands the same amount of respect as Stockport County. 

We’ll probably find there’s some fantastic clubs and fans at this level, and it’s a brand new and potentially exciting chapter in our club’s history.

We are undoubtedly the biggest club ever to play at this level, by some considerable margin. But one thing for certain is that it won’t be easy for us. We need a level of consistency and togetherness that this club just hasn’t had for the last four or five years.

Here’s hoping the new side that Ian Bogie and Alan Lord have put together are up to overcoming our fellow Northern souls to deliver the promotion which we so desperately crave.